Your Cells are Listening
This is not your typical Valentine’s Day post.
I wasn't sure what to write today. My notes were all over the place with ideas, so bear with me if my thoughts feel scattered.
I just knew something needed to be said about how we see and talk to ourselves and others and examine our core beliefs around our body.
There is a therapy/coach saying that whatever you feel you need to teach or write about, you probably need to learn or heal yourself.
I think that is a little true for me. We could all use more self-love and unburdening of shitty beliefs.
One of my more prominent memories of feeling negative about my body was around 13 or 14.
I was sitting in my Hairy Potter-style closet under the stairs and bawling. My mom found me on the floor in a pile of clothes. Nothing fit.
I was scared, confused, and felt disgusting.
I told her I couldn't go out in public because I was "too fat".
She was so upset by my reaction to my body that she wrote Seventeen Magazine (a magazine I read as a teen) to stop airbrushing and photoshopping bodies and start modeling real girls!
Of course her letters were ignored.
It’s been a long journey since I was on that closet floor.
One of healing retreats, parts-work, reframing stories and belief patterns and radically accepting my body however it looks and performs in any present moment.
I surveyed 43 people with no known agenda. I sent the survey on social media, within my coaching community, and in my newsletter. The responses were from people ages 22 to 66 years, male and female. (Quoted responses are at the end of the blog).
What I read was eye-opening.
Here are a few things I learned:
Comments on bodies, even if meant as a compliment, are still judgments. Resist sharing your opinion unless you have consent.
Seemingly innocent external critics from childhood can add to the inner-critic as an adult. Be careful what you say to children.
Becoming a mother was the #1 transformational experience around body love. It showed how powerful their bodies are at making miracles!
If your friends are critical or loving toward their bodies, you may adapt accordingly. Be careful of your company.
80% said any kind of movement makes them feel more energized, confident, and loved in their skin.
Focusing on what the body does for you and not what it looks like can help shift your mindset.
Self-Love starts with strong mental health.
A few years ago in Bali, I learned of a study by Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist. He wanted to know if human thoughts and emotions changed the molecular structure of water.
What he discovered was amazing.
He had two bowls of water. One bowl he loved. One bowl he hated.
The water he talked to with love & gratitude shifted to beautiful, symmetrical snowflake patterns under a microscope.
The other dish of water he blasted with hatred and disgust looked like puke.
Y’all, our bodies are 60% of water!
And since we know water has a memory from this study, our cells are listening and they remember what we say!
❤️Therefore, the only opinion of your body that matters is your own.
❤️Your body is your life vessel that you can either fill with love or hate.
❤️Love will lead to acceptance.
❤️Love will lead to change if that is what you want.
❤️Love will open the doors to new possibilities for you.
However, hate will only lead you to shame, discomfort, sadness, and nothing feels possible from that state.
❤️Find your way to treasure and love the one body you have for the rest of your life.
❤️Love it right now, in all its imperfections and beauty.
❤️It's yours and the only one you get!
❤️How you talk to it, treat it, and think about it is up to you.
Thank you to all those that took the survey. Your experiences were powerful to read and I think anyone reading the following will hopefully think twice before commenting on someone’s body.
You’re all beautiful, lovely beings on this earth. I’m grateful for you!
The following are responses from two questions from the survey. The questions were:
What is one of your first memories you had feeling negative/uncomfortable about your body?
What has someone said to you about your body (or what do you say to yourself) that has made you feel uncomfortable or bad about your body?
********************I find that the are powerful to read, but can be triggering. If you have body shame triggers, please proceed cautiously or not at all.********************
Underneath each quote, I listed a negative belief that may have formed. And as we know, when we form beliefs at a young age, they can set the trajectory of our decisions going forward.
I did this to show how damaging it can be to the recipient when receiving a comment on their body.
Let’s do better. Leave your opinion of other bodies to yourself.
“I was fifteen years old and heard a family member say I looked like a beached whale while lying on the floor.” '72
Possible Belief: My family thinks my body is funny and I'm a joke to them.
“I was 11 and told I’ll never be any good at ballet because I’m too tall and muscular.” '84
Possible Belief: My body isn't good enough for the things I love.
“When in highschool my dad said, ‘For every 2 pounds you lose, that's 1 second faster you'll get.’ regarding swimming.” '84
Possible Belief: Being thin or lighter means winning.
“I was 13, 5'6 and 105 lbs, a ballet teacher, said, ‘Never weigh any more than you do right now. It would be too much for your frame to carry.’ I believed it at the time.” '71
Possible Belief: If I gain weight, I can’t dance anymore.
“In junior high, I started noticing that I was comparing myself to other girls and wanted to be thinner. That's when I first remember starting to monitor what I was eating and when I was in high school, I took pills called Dexatrim to help me lose weight. They made me feel like I had bugs crawling in my hair.” '65
Possible Belief: If I am thin, I'll fit in.
“As an adult in my early 30s, I had a flat-chested coworker say she wished she had a big chest like me, and I was mortified.
She said it in front of a group of people in the work break room. I immediately had flashbacks to being teased by the boys in junior high. I had breast reduction surgery done less than a year after that.” '65
Possible Belief: My body must conform to what is normal or typical to the eye.
"Eat a burger. You're too skinny." '79
Possible Belief: Being this size isn't okay, and I need to eat more.
“It's the positive comments that make me uncomfortable. Someone once made the hourglass gesture with his hands looking at my body when I was around 17 because I had curves. I'll never forget how ashamed I felt. I also had a guy talk about my butt and boobs all the time inappropriately when I was like 14. After that, I have always dressed modestly and been highly self-conscious of wearing anything tight or revealing. I actually didn't realize how much shame I had til now.” '88
Possible Belief: My body is a turn-on to men, and I must hide it.
“My mom said it was crazy that I no longer was wearing ‘slim’ jeans in 5th grade.” '80
Possible Belief: Not being slim is crazy.
“You're really "muscly" - instead of so fit or in great shape.” '80
Possible Belief: Muscles are wrong.
"You gained weight since the last time I saw you." '74
Possible Belief: My weight is something that matters to others.
"When I was around 8 years old, my parents teased me about having heavy hips.” '75
Possible Belief: Hips are bad, and if I don't have thin hips, I'll be teased.
"You have a sturdy build. You are built like a brick shit house." '75
Possible Belief: I don’t budge and I take up space.
“In the third grade, I competitively danced to an Aladdin song. I wore the stereotypical Jasmine two-piece genie outfit as a costume. We all tried our costumes on, and I looked at my dance friends and felt like a stuffed sausage in mine. That moment was when I realized that being heavier was not as aesthetically pleasing.” '94
Possible Belief: Being a different size isn't pretty.
"You'd be a real Fox if you lost weight." '78
Possible Belief: Being lighter means I'll be prettier.
“One breast is noticeably bigger, and a boy called it out when I was wearing a bikini. I can't look in the mirror without feeling a bit of ‘ugh’ about it.” '84
Possible Belief: My body is not okay.
“My dad told me once, ‘I just think you look better at a lower weight’." '73
Possible Belief: I am loved with conditions.
"You're going to be overweight just like your mom when you grow up." '77
Possible Belief: Is there something wrong with my mom?
“I was 10, and a stranger walked by me while in a bathing suit and said, ‘ughhh, you need to go on a diet’." '87
Possible Belief: My weight disgusts strangers.
I'm well endowed and used to get teased about it in the locker room shower at an early age." '85
Possible Belief: The size of our body parts matters.
"When my high school track coach told me I probably was getting slower because I had gained weight." '78
Possible Belief: Weight equates being slow.
“You have no self-control. That's why you're so big.” '84
Possible Belief: I'm weak.
“You've let yourself go.” '93
Possible Belief: I have no self-regard.
“I was 13, and my aunt told me I was anorexic. I had never been told this before. I struggled with homelessness during my childhood and was probably malnourished. This blatant statement was the first time I felt shame and bad about my body.” '91
Possible Belief: The size of my body is a disease.
“My mother told me I had to be thin at an early age. She was often on a diet, and I just grew up knowing that skinny was what was expected. I started having my first eating issues when I was 15.” '77
Possible Belief: I must be thin, or I won't be accepted.
“I tell myself, ‘I am not thin enough. I have to lose weight. I should look this way. I can only wear this when...’, etc.” '77
Possible Belief: If I am not good enough the way I am now.
“I was 12 and chubby. One of my friends told me to sit with the other "heavies." '59
Possible Belief: Bigger people aren’t welcome or accepted.
“In my early twenties, I became the purse holder whenever we went out to a bar.” '63
Possible Belief: I’m only appreciated for mundane tasks.
“People would say things like, ‘she has to run around in the shower to get wet.’ or ‘when you turn sideways, you disappear.’ '89
Possible Belief: I am invisible.
“At my wedding, my dad stood up and shared and commented about how much I liked to eat and added, ‘as you can tell’. I was not fat at that point and looked great at my wedding.” '63
Possible Belief: To be loved by my dad, I need to conform to his definition of beauty.
“I was less than 5 years old & I was playing house in my bedroom. I was pretending to take a bath in my play bathtub in my play bathroom, aka bedroom closet. My mom found me naked, got mad at me, & told me I should only get naked in the bathroom for real bath time.” '77
Possible Belief: Being naked isn't okay unless when bathing.
“Your boobs are big for your tiny body.” '89
Possible Belief: Something is wrong with my body.
“Wow, I barely recognized you. Your face is so much bigger.” '82
Possible Belief: My body is only recognizable if it stays the same.
“I grew up abroad, and I remember one of the first times I came back to the United States after being away. Around the age of 13, all of my friends had begun talking about their bodies negatively. I remember being confused and starting to think the same things about myself. ‘If all these other beautiful girls think that about themselves, I must have the same things wrong with me too?’
Belief is in the message.
“In 5th and 6th grade, I remember many of my friends had a thigh gap. I was jealous of that.” '83
Possible Belief: What I see on TV is real and desired.
“My grandmother and mother worried I would grow too tall to get a husband or a successful career, so I feared growing taller.” '64
Possible Belief: Being who I am is not enough for marriage and success.
