You are not broken.
Hey friends,
I recently was a part of a conversation with Jamie Tworkowski and a handful of strangers. Jamie is the New York Times bestselling author of If You Feel Too Much. He founded the non-profit organization To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA) in 2006, born from an attempt to help a friend and tell a story. TWOLHA was an enormous help during my seven years of depression.
The conversation we had was about Seasons of Change.
Seven strangers started their zoom videos with raised eyebrows, squinting eyes, and apprehension. Within 15-20 minutes, our faces slowly softened as we discussed what was happening in our lives, sharing our stories and navigating the uncertainty.
I was blown away by the vulnerability, the love, the sharing and shedding with strangers. We were all going through a time when something was shifting, uncertainty was looming, and we all felt a little lost and scared.
We laughed, cried, showed empathy and compassion, and, most of all, connected. One person said, "I feel like I know all of you more than I know my co-worker of 10 years in just these three hours!"
It was beautiful.
I also noticed a recurring theme throughout the conversation:
"I need to put myself back together. I need to fix myself. I am broken."
I used to say the same thing when battling depression or a breakup. I felt broken and needed to be fixed.
Knowing what I know now, I want to challenge that narrative.
Why?
Because we aren't broken.
We are human.
A magical life of millions of experiences and stories that, when shared, shine a light for others.
Life is hard, and it often may feel like it's breaking you. You hold onto whatever helps you cope, journeying through a challenging human experience. You search for something to help you feel hopeful and alive again, trying to "fix" whatever spark has dimmed in you.
But the thing is, we don't need to find something to make us whole or fixed. Feeling like your healthy Self (or whatever version you think you will become once you are "fixed") "is not something you achieve; it is something you remember!"
“There is no amount of fixing yourself that will make you feel whole. Wholeness is not something you achieve; it’s something you remember.”
Looking back at my journey with depression and anxiety - I forgot about the parts of me that felt good. I was drowned by parts of me that flooded me with lies, criticism, and endless rumination, and I forgot about the Cole that, once upon a time, shined.
Through connection, a sharing of my experience, along with lifestyle changes such as diet and movement, my authentic Self, one of compassion, courage, creativity, and confidence, began to rise out of hiding.
The various parts of me that I didn't like finally had room to be held, understood and appreciated in the "whole" of who I am.
Being vulnerable and open with radical authenticity, embracing all I was, I slowly let the complex parts of me open up and share with others.
Once they could share their truth and be heard and appreciated, it felt like my "brokenness" was now a strength.
This conversation with seven strangers reminded me, once again, how vital connection is in sharing our human experiences.
Connecting to your truth. (What is really going on?)
Connecting with others in sharing your truth. (Am I alone in this? Nope.)
Connecting our commonalities and differences with appreciation and compassion. (Wow, this feels good!)
When we let our "broken pieces" show up and share, others don't feel so alone in their story, and in turn, neither do you.
Think of your experiences as small pieces of glass, and when connected, make up a sparkly disco ball; at the core is our highest Self, and the reflections we give off are a shining light for others.
As we gather with family and friends this week, remember that everyone carries stories, their own "broken pieces of glass."
When we take the time to connect, we start to see and share the light - shining it for others and others shining it for you.
My hope for you this holiday season is that your senses overflow with gratitude. That your heart feels excited, cheeks hurt from laughter, ears delight from loving affirmations, and deep down, you know that you are a wonderful gift to this world.
Thank you for reading, and don't hesitate to reply. As always, I am happy to connect with you.
P.S. Please don't hesitate to reach out with any questions. You can do that here or below.
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